ugh.

so, i was recently accepted as an ambassadorial scholar for rotary international. in that process, i submitted a choice of five schools abroad. whoever was doing the process reviewed those schools, in order of how i put them on the page (which was really without any rhyme or reason), and selected the first one that upholds the rotary values. coincidentally, this school was the top-ranked school of all that i researched and submitted.

until i knew to which school i would be applying, i was studying for my gmat. well, i was kind of studying for my gmat. okay, okay - i was anxiously awaiting the gmat, fearing it like the dickens, getting all anxious and stressed out about it. it sucked. that whole timeframe - the not knowing of the situation - really sucked.

i mean, sure, i am a fairly confident fellow. i knew that i had a real shot at this scholarship, which awards me $24,000 to put towards my studies/living expenses while attending school, but still. now i have the joy - nay, the pleasure - of studying for the gmat and taking that test...that i dread...and hate...and am, frankly, afraid of.

see, my dad took that test cold turkey a number of years ago and essentially aced it. scored close to 800 points or something on it. outrageous. i know it not a competition. except that it is a competition. he would not say anything, of course. but, come on! he is my pops - i have got to not just pass this test, but kill this test! ugh.

my pea brain works so weird.

and then i discover that the school rotary international selected - instituto de empresa, or, ie, in madrid, spain - does not require the gmat! i can simply take their admissions test in los angeles! woohoo! what a relief!

but, to be perfectly honest, i found that my situation did not change much once i received word that i was accepted for the scholarship. i mean, it was a relief, certainly, but now i am in the situation where i am, again, applying for something - to which i have a more-than fair measure of confidence that i will be accepted - but still have to wait to hear word.

i had the opportunity to go to the eagles v. cardinals national football conference championship game, and i have not missed a home game for the cardinals at all this year, the sunday before the test. the ticket was in the bag. but, i had to travel to los angeles to be ready to take my test the next morning. if i get accepted, i will have no regrets. if i do not get accepted, however, i will be sad that i missed that exciting game (i went to all of the cards' home games, but am an eagles' fan...and a jaguars' fan - always have to put those disclaimers in there).

one of my good friends and current roommate, g, made the trip with me. we drank during the first game, but i completed my application during the second game back at the hotel...until 3:30 or 4:00 in the morning.

but the next morning, i woke up right on time, and went to the school's office in l.a. we were given the instructions to the test. "three parts: reading, math, diagrammic" (at least i thought it was called that...or something like that) "you have 75 minutes to complete 66 questions. you have to complete them in order, and do not skip ahead. if you skip ahead, you will fail this test." we had two prep questions of each, to see what they were like. then we were off.

i started slow, then picked up the pace. i finished 42 of the questions. the other two guys told me that they got to 36 and 38, or something like that. after taking a personality test, the west coast director informed us that most people get about half-way through the test. that means that i was above the curve. she said that she had only seen one person complete the entire test in the time allotted. the girl was from ecuador and got 100% correct.

one of the guys left, but the other guy, she, and i all started talking about the test and discussing how we all test poorly. hey, he took the gmat and scored something in the 500s (he did not disclose the actual number). all of this made me feel better about my chances, but the test is simply a pass or fail test. i am unsure whether or not my application is contingent upon me doing well on the admissions test or not, though. i mean, will they sort through everything and say, "wow, this guy is good! ...but he really bombed the admissions test. send him a rejection letter!"?

we drive home directly after the test. i submit my online application the next day. i, then, mail the hard copy requirements for the application (organizational chart, resume, signature page, etc.). 50 bucks later. they receive it that friday. the west coast director informed me that it would take two weeks before i hear back. then, they should be setting up an interview with me over the phone. and i should know a short time after that whether or not i got accepted. i am aiming for the november admissions.

like i said, i am confident that i will be accepted. confident, but not certain. this waiting for word bullshit is for the birds, though. my confidence is high one day, low the next. not knowing sucks. i can plan around a no. i can find alternate things to do. but, idling and waiting. what a horrible, uncomfortable, stressful feeling.

and here i wait. ugh.